Want to listen to this Podcast Episode? - Click here
What does it take? What does it take to find the thing? That one mysterious thing that will finally make us happy. That thing that makes us feel excited in the morning right after opening our eyes. That thing that we look forward to. What is that thing? Where is it?
I think the whole problem that keeps us stuck and unmotivated, is actually, the thought that it's just one thing. Our ego makes it so big and important, that we feel it's unreachable. We attach so much expectation to it, that every time the idea of a thing that could make us happy pops into our mind, we disregard it. We disregard it because what if we're wrong? What if that's not the thing? What if we waste our time and our money on it, for nothing?
The fear is too big
The fear around the possibility to say yes to anything becomes so big, that we make no decision at all. And by not deciding, we're saying no. And one no after the other, all of a sudden, our life becomes a party or no's. All of a sudden, we realise, we've become so used to saying no, that we've stopped living.
I can give you a list of things that I've thought of starting within the past year, that I now realise I've not started, because I've been too afraid that my expectations won't be met if I do. I don't blame myself for any of it though. My heart has had good reasons to feel that way, and above all, I always prioritise staying kind to my journey. But what I've noticed, is that saying no to all those big plans I had for myself, has indeed left me feeling more unmotivated in the recent months.
Is it an energy thing?
At the beginning of this year, I told myself that I wanted to recover habits that I know make me feel energised. That's one of the things that I feel proud to say that I managed to do. All the way from January, in the midst of the cold Swedish winter, I've been waking up early to do my workout & drink my green juice before starting my work day.
I also set up a system at work to manage my usually gigantic to-do list in a healthy way, and I've mentally rehearsed who I am in a world where work is not a big deal. This has allowed me to emotionally detach from a lot daily work chaos, and to stop leaking my energy thinking about how to be a saviour in the company that I work for, even during my free time. I also prioritised sleep and cut alcohol, not fully, but significantly. I sleep 6-8 hours on average, and I just have a few beers with friends every now and then.
Energy wasn't it
The reason why I decided to prioritise recovering my energy, was that I thought that being low on it was what was keeping me from engaging in exploring more in life. But even after successfully having increased my energy levels, I noticed I was still struggling to start anything. Even reading a chapter of a book or sitting down to write, felt like an enormous effort. I haven't been out of ideas of things to explore, but I have just felt that there is no point in any of it. And that right there, is my red flag: expectation.
That expectation that I was talking about at the beginning. The expectation of finding the thing that will make me happy. Will this be the book? Will this be the job? Will this be the hobby? Will this be the day? Will this be the person? Will this be my year? Will this be the month that it finally happens? Will this be the thing and the moment, that changes everything?
I mean. How can anyone dare to make any decision with such an intense inner critic? How can one just try something, when there's so much fear and expectation tied to how to spend the next 2h of an afternoon? You just can't. It's awful, it's painful, and it's ultimately, just stupid.
So my love, the message that's coming through today, is this one...
It's okay to do things without an expected outcome. Many decisions in life need to be strategic. They need to be weighted, and backed up by logic and a plan. But not all decisions in life need to be that way. Many things you can just do. Many things you can just decide to try once and then decide if you want to try again.
Allow yourself to explore, and when I say explore, I don't mean a huge exploration like a trip to Bali to find your inner self, switching jobs or even learning a new language. When I say explore, I mean doing something random for the next 30min or 2h. Allowing yourself to not take every single decision so seriously. Instead of saying that you're going to join dance classes for the next 3 months and never doing it, play a song, dance in your living room, and enjoy it. Be in that moment and literally make an effort to allow yourself to enjoy something that small.
Pay attention to what are those things in life that have made you happy, and plan to do just a little bit of that during your day, without any other expectation than to feel alive during those minutes. Perhaps, continue to say no to the big things, and instead, start allowing yourself to say yes to the small things. Because you will notice, that small yes after small yes, you'll find yourself living days with more happy moments. Small moments, yet many of them.
Increase the magnitude of the decisions you make little by little, in a gentle way. Say yes to things that you feel comfortable saying yes to, without an expectation. Maybe going on a solo trip without expectations can be too overwhelming at this point in your life. This is definitely something I did a few years ago, and today, I just don't have it in me to do it. Even going out for brunch with people I didn't know just to make new friends, was something I could easily do a year ago. But today, that's also something I don't yet feel capable of doing without attaching an expectation to it.
However, going to a nice park close to home when the sun is shining, and listening to music for 15min, or meeting up with someone I already know, is definitely something I feel more comfortable saying yes to right now. Maybe tomorrow it will be a place further away, and maybe in a few weeks, I'll dare again to meet new friends and start a new hobby.
We all go through phases in life, and as much as I'd love to just hit play on making big plans without any expectation tied to them, I know that's not where I am right now. Where I am, is at a place where I need to work on getting rid of those expectations and that intense need for all things to potentially be the thing.
So my love, if you also feel that the expectation of a grandiose outcome is holding you back from choosing where to go next, join me on this journey. Stay kind to yourself, and start replacing the act of saying no to big things, with the act of saying yes to small things. Allow yourself to explore small. Don't go big or go home as some people say. If you're not ready to go big, that mindset will only keep you stuck and unmotivated. Allow yourself to go small until you feel comfortable to go big. Trust me, you'll get there.
Do all the small things. Read a book for 5 minutes. Draw something ugly with markers or crayons. You don't even have to go out and buy a bunch of painting gear. Keep it simple. Dance in the kitchen and sing while you shower. Feeling ready for more? Attend one dance lesson & go to a concert in the local bar. Ready for more already? Okay fine! Join the 3 months dancing course or even fly to hear your favourite artist perform in another city. Keep it doable. Keep it your size and let the interest grow. Allow yourself to do things that are so small, that it's hard to expect anything from them.
Instead of saying you'll start writing that book and never doing it, do a journaling session or post a picture on Instagram with a small caption that you wrote. Enjoy the smallness of things. Go back to what feels simple to you, whatever that may be. And please, don't let the smallness of these things trick you into thinking that you're not living. You are. Allow yourself to define your own pace, and most importantly, to build your own opinion of what brings you joy.
And remember, it's not one big thing. It can be many things. Maybe it's 10 small things. Maybe it's 53. Maybe you indeed find the one thing. Regardless, just let it be my love. Allow yourself to find your simple small joys, that all together, make you look forward to your day in the morning.
----
My doors to work together to potent your connection to your soul are open. Click here to see what Trips in Silence has in place for you <3
Comments